After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
