How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
