She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
