No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
