508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
