y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
