I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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