sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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