At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
