I am puke
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
