I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i think my mom watched the whole time
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
