Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
