Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The air was thick with penises
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
