I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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