Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
