Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
