Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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