Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
