i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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