dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
