I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I need a beard to bite.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
