I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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