I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
