is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
