Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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