Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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