U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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