So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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