Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
