Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Your topless pictures make me question reality
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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