Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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