Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The air taste purple.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
