in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
