you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
