Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
