I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
