Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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