she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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