2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
