I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
