my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
