the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Randomize
