So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
