ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
