This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
