I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
