i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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