my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
