so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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