Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
