just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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