i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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